Entering the Shadow

This time of year is hard for me. I do love the dark half of the year! Rain and apples and blowing leaves and pumpkins and cocoa and all. I'm ready for all of that. But soon the images of black cats come out. 

The truth is I have been utterly empty and alone since my familiar died. I feel like the best part of me went with him. Now I am his ghost. 

You can't say this to the people you know. They will wonder why their love and support isn't enough for you, why it isn't healing you. The trust, the unity and clarity of purpose, the oneness that you can feel with an animal just can't be reproduced with another human. It's not entirely their fault. They are what they are. This is one of the many burdens that you must carry alone.

I don't know if I'll have another pet one day. It's gotten so expensive - and so painful - that I've had to take a break. I do know that I won't find another like him. I wish we'd had more time. We always say that, don't we? I wish I could hold him again. I hope that someday I can. 

Tonight's cards: I was going to do a simple 3 card spread with the gorgeous Seasons of the Witch Samhain Oracle, but the Owl card fell out while I was shuffling. This is the message of the owl, according to the guidebook: 

"Owl has called you because you are one of the great keepers of wisdom, even if you don't know it yet. You have knowledge and experience that others need. You have something to share with the world, a voice that must be heard and healing that must be shared... You are being asked to expand your spiritual knowledge in the realm of the owl - the night. Some quiet messages and signs wait for you in the unknown void where light is not present." 

Well, I wish I had the confidence in myself that Owl seems to. It's been a long time since I felt I had anything to offer anyone. 

Sometimes I think I spend too much time peering into the shadows. But when the cards say to look, you look!